February 25, 2012

Butterfly Fly Away…

Posted in 12 x 12 Scrapbook layouts, Family tagged at 5:26 pm by bejewelledcreations

You tucked me in

turned out the light

Kept me safe and sound at night.

Little girls depend on things like that.

Brushed my teeth

and combed my hair,

had to drive me everywhere

You were always there when I looked back.

You had to do it all alone.

Make a living, make a home.

Must have been as hard as it could be.

And when I couldn’t sleep at night,

Scared things wouldn’t turn out right,

You would hold my hand and sing to me.

Caterpillar in the tree

How you wonder who you’ll be

Can’t go far, but you can always dream.

Wish you may

and wish you might

Don’t you worry

hold on tight.

I promise you there will come a day.

Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away

Got your wings now you can’t stay

Take those dreams and make them all come true.

Butterfly fly away

You’ve been waiting for this day all along

and known just what to do.

Butterfly

Butterfly

Butterfly

Butterfly fly away.

Butterfly fly away.

Butterfly fly away.

(“Butterfly Fly Away” by Miley Cyrus.)

Sung at his funeral service on 9th September 2011 by Chloe

at special request of dad.

Dad, my beautiful dad, died on the 3rd of September 2011; a day before Father’s Day, just a week before his 66th birthday, two weeks before mum and dad’s 44th wedding anniversary and too soon for any of us. Dad had a particularly aggressive form of non-hodgkin’s lymphoma which was first diagnosed Christmas of 2009 although to look at and spend time with him, you’d never know he was so unwell – he wasn’t one to complain or be angry and maintained his special sense of humour throughout. February marks a year since he underwent a Stem Cell Transplant which has held a lot of memories of daily trips to the hospital with mum.  We knew even then that there wouldn’t be a cure for his lymphoma but we underwent the Stem Cell Transplant with the hope that we would be gaining more time. We didn’t know it would only be so little – within 8 weeks of treatment he could feel some symptoms again and by 9th of May 2011 we had the news that it might only be 3 months. Within four months, he was gone. But we were blessed with SO many good days. I took the children out of school to spend time together and we had some wonderful days – some beautiful, magical, fun days. I have lots of photos of the time we spent together but of course, now, I wish I had more.

Words can’t begin to describe the emptiness and sense of loss I still feel, and that I still wonder; how can he NOT be here?  Those who truly understand …. well, you understand. I’m doing okay – I really do believe I’m doing better these days. Perhaps that’s why I can finally get back to this blog – I’d felt that I had a physical block about posting since losing dad. I wanted to blog again, but how could I post pretty cards as if nothing had happened, as if it wasn’t important? I couldn’t ignore what had happened to dad. Even though I really don’t need to (or want to) tell the whole world, I needed to acknowledge my beautiful dad and the loss we’ve all suffered by his not being here with us.

Last year was particularly difficult but I did make time to make some cards for my personal relief and to create some special scrap pages of dad which I’m so thankful for now. I still have so many photos and wonderful memories that I want to put down in an album and I’ll continue to make time for that in the coming year.

For my friends and those who know me; thankyou for your support and care during the last year and for your patience whilst I’ve been absent from blogging – I haven’t been absent from cardmaking so you’ll hopefully see some more action here from now on. Credit goes to Alisa Tilsner for her card which I took inspiration from to make dad’s page.

In memory of Kenneth Smith, my beautiful dad.

10th September 1946 – 3rd September2011

Fly free.

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